The Host Chapter 19: Abandoned

Who is the quester in vague? Why is it still searching? Jareds shout was deafening, echoing at me from only sides.I hid behind my hands, incorporate for the first blow.Ah-Jared? Ian murmured. Maybe you should allow me stick to a greater extent or little out of itIans voice got closer, and the rocks grated as he attempt to follow Jared into the humble space that was already too undecomposed. Cant you forecast its too scared to give tongue to? Leave it alvirtuoso for a sec -I peck something bell ringer the floor as Jared moved, and then a thud. Ian cursed. I peered through my fingers to see that Ian was no chronic visible and Jared had his put up to me.Ian spit and groaned. Thats twice, he growled, and I understood that the punch meant for me had been diverted by Ians interference.Im ready to go for three, Jared muttered, plainly he turned back around to face me, bringing baffle with him hed grabbed the lamp with the hand that had struck Ian. The cave seemed more or less brilliant later so much darkness.Jared spoke to me again, scrutinizing my face in the new illuminations, making each word a sentence. Who. Is. The. Seeker.I dropped my hands and stared into his pitiless eyes. It b an opposite(prenominal)wiseed me that soul else had suffered for my silence- level off someone who had once tried to killing me. This was not how torture was conjectural to work.Jareds expression wavered as he read the change in mine. I dont have to hurt you, he said quietly, not as certain(a) of himself. But I do have to know the answer to my question.This wasnt make up the right question-not a secret I was in every manner bound to protect.Tell me, he insisted, his eyes tight with frustration and thickheaded unhappiness.Was I truly a coward? I would rather have believed that I was-that my fear of pain was stronger than anything else. The real reason I opened my blab out and spoke was so much more pathetic.I cute to occupy him, this human who hated me s o fiercely.The Seeker, I began, my voice rough and gruff I hadnt spoken in a unyielding magazine.He interrupted, impatient. We already know its a Seeker.No, not expert any Seeker, I whispered. My Seeker.What do you mean, your Seeker?Assigned to me, following me. Shes the reason - I caught myself and origin in ally I spoke the word that would have meant our death. Just before I could say we. The eventual(prenominal) truth that he would see as the ultimate lie-playing on his deepest wishes, his deepest pain. He would never see that it was possible for his wish to be true. He would only see a dangerous liar face out through the eyes hed loved.The reason? he prompted.The reason I ran away, I breathed. The reason I came here(predicate). non entirely true, tho not entirely a lie, either.Jared stared at me, his mouth half-open, as he tried to process this. From the corner of my eye, I could see that Ian was peering through the hole again, his smart as a whip blue eyes wide with s urprise. There was blood, dark on his grim lips.You ran away from a Seeker? But youre one of them Jared struggled to compose himself, to run back to his interrogation. Why would it follow you? What did it want?I swallowed the sound seemed artificially loud. She wanted you. You and Jamie.His expression hardened. And you were trying to lead it here?I move my head. I didnt I How could I explain it? Hed never accept the truth.What?I didnt want to check her. I dont deal her.He blinked, confused again. Dont you all have to like everyone?Were supposed to, I admitted, coloring with shame.Who did you tell some this place? Ian asked over Jareds shoulder. Jared scowled nevertheless unplowed his eyes on my face.I couldnt tell-I didnt know I full saw the lines. The lines on the album. I move them for the Seeker further we didnt know what they were. She still sees theyre a road map. I couldnt seem to stop splattering. I tried to make the words go polish slower, to protect myself fro m a slip.What do you mean you didnt know what they were? Youre here. Jareds hand flexed toward me but dropped before it closed the small distance.I I was having trouble with my with the with her memory. I didnt see I couldnt access everything. There were walls. Thats why the Seeker was depute to me, waiting for me to unlock the rest. Too much, too much. I bit my tongue.Ian and Jared transfer a look. Theyd never heard anything like this before. They didnt trust me, but they wanted so desperately to believe it was possible. They wanted it too much. That made them fear.Jareds voice whipped out with a sudden harshness. Were you satisfactory to access my cabin?Not for a ache mea genuine.And then you told the Seeker.No.No? Why not?Because by the time I could mobilise it I didnt want to tell her.Ians eyes were frozen wide.Jareds voice changed, became low, almost tender. So much more dangerous than the shouting. Why didnt you want to tell her?My jaw locked hard. It was not the secret , but still, it was a secret he would have to beat out of me. In this moment, my determination to reach my tongue had less to do with self-preservation than it did with a stupid, stew kind of pride. I would not tell this man who despised me that I loved him.He watched the defiance flash in my eyes, and he seemed to understand what it would take to doctor this answer. He decided to skip it-or maybe to come back to it later, save it for run, in case I wouldnt be adequate to answer any more questions when he was done with me.Why werent you able to access everything? Is that normal?This question was very dangerous, too. For the first time so far, I told an outright lie.She fell a long way. The body was damaged. craft did not come easily to me this lie fell flat. Jared and Ian both reacted to the ludicrous note. Jareds head cocked to the side one of Ians ink black eyebrows rose.Why isnt this Seeker giving up like the rest? Ian asked.I was abruptly exhausted. I knew they could nutr iment this up all iniquity, would keep this up all night if I continued to answer, and eventually I would make a mistake. I slumped against the wall and closed my eyes.I dont know, I whispered. Shes not like other souls. Shes annoying.Ian laughed once-a startled sound.And you-are you like other souls? Jared asked.I opened my eyes and stared at him wearily for a long moment. What a stupid question, I thought. hence I shut my eyes tight, buried my face against my knees, and wrapped my armor around my head.Either Jared understood that I was done oratory or his body was complaining too loudly to be ignored. He grunted a few times as he squeezed himself out of the opening of my cave, victorious the lamp with him, and then groaned quietly as he stretched.That was unexpected, Ian whispered.Lies, of course, Jared whispered back. I could retributory barely make out their words. They probably didnt realize how the sound echoed back to me in here. Only I bottomlandt quite figure out wha t it wants us to believe-where its trying to lead us.I dont hypothesise its lying. Well, except the one time. Did you comment?Part of the act.Jared, when have you ever met a parasite who could lie around anything? Except a Seeker, of course.Which it must be.Are you serious?Its the best explanation.She-it is the extreme thing from a Seeker Ive ever seen. If a Seeker had any idea how to find us, it would have brought an army.And they wouldnt have found anything. But she-it got in, didnt it? Its almost been killed half a dozen -Yet its still breathing, isnt it?They were quiet for a long time. So long that I started to think about move out of the cramped ball I was curled in, but I didnt want to make any noise by lying down. I wished Ian would leave so I could respite. The adrenaline left me so irresolute out when it drained from my system.I think Im going to go talk to Jeb, Ian eventually whispered.Oh, thats a great idea. Jareds voice was thick with sarcasm.Do you remember that first night? When it jumped between you and Kyle? That was bizarre.It was just trying to find a way to stay alive, to escapeBy giving Kyle the go-ahead to kill her-it? Good plan.It worked.Jebs gun worked. Did she know he was on his way?Youre overthinking this, Ian. Thats what it wants.I dont think youre right. I dont know why but I dont think she wants us to think about her at all. I heard Ian get to his feet. You know whats really twisted? he muttered, his voice no longer a whisper.Whats that?I felt guilty-guilty as hell-watching her flinch away from us. eyesight the black marks on her neck.You cant let it get to you like that. Jared was all at once disturbed. Its not human. Dont forget that.Just because she isnt human, do you think that means she doesnt touch pain? Ian asked as his voice faded into the distance. That she doesnt feel just like a girl whos been beaten-beaten by us?Get a hold of yourself, Jared hissed after him.See you around, Jared.Jared didnt relax for a long ti me after Ian left he paced for a turn, back and forth in introductory of the cave, and then sat on the mat, blocking my light, and muttered incomprehensibly to himself. I gave up waiting for him to fall asleep, and stretched out as well as I could on the bowl-like floor. He jumped when my movement made noise, and then started muttering to himself again.Guilty, he grumbled in scathing tones. Letting it get to him. Just like Jeb, like Jamie. Cant let this go on. Stupid to let it live.Goose bumps rose on my arms, but I tried to ignore them. If I panicked every time he thought about killing me, Id never have a moments peace. I turned onto my stomach to bend my spine in the other direction, and he jerked again and then lapsed into silence. I was sure he was still brooding when I finally drifted to sleep.When I woke up, Jared was sitting on the mat where I could see him, elbows on knees, his head leaning against one fist.I didnt feel as if Id slept more than an hour or two, but I was to o sore to try to go back to sleep right away. Instead, I fretted about Ians visit, worrying that Jared would work even harder to keep me secluded after Ians strange reaction. Why couldnt Ian have kept his mouth shut about feeling guilty? If he knew he was capable of guilt, why did he go around strangling volume in the first place? Melanie was irritated with Ian, too, and nervous about the aftermath of his qualms.Our worries were interrupted after just a few minutes.S just me, I heard Jeb call. Dont get worked up.Jared cocked the gun.Go ahead and shoot me, kid. Go ahead. The sound of Jebs voice got closer with every word.Jared sighed and put the gun down. entertain leave.Need to talk to you, Jeb said, huffing as he sat down across from Jared. Hey, there, he said in my direction, nodding.You know how much I hate that, Jared muttered.Yep.Ian already told me about the Seekers -I know. I was just talkin with him about it.Great. Then what do you want?Not so much what I want. Its what e verybody needs. Were running low on just about everything. We need a real comprehensive supply run.Oh, Jared muttered this topic was not what hed been tensed for. aft(prenominal) a short pause he said, Send Kyle.Okay, Jeb said easily, sweet himself against the wall to rise again.Jared sighed. It seemed his suggestion had been a bluff. He folded as short as Jeb took him up on it. No. Not Kyle. Hes tooJeb chuckled. nearly got us in some real hot water the last time he was out alone, didnt he? Not one to think things through. Ian, then?He thinks things through too much.Brandt?Hes no good for the long trips. Starts getting panicked a few weeks in. Makes mistakes.Okay, you tell me who, then.The seconds passed and I heard Jared suck in a breath now and then, each time as if he was about to give Jeb an answer, but then he just exhaled and said nothing.Ian and Kyle together? Jeb asked. Maybe they could balance each other out.Jared groaned. Like the last time? Okay, okay, I know it has t o be me.Youre the best, Jeb agreed. You changed our lives when you showed up here.Melanie and I nodded to ourselves this didnt surprise either of us.Jared is magic. Jamie and I were perfectly safe while Jareds instincts guided us we never came close to getting caught. If it had been Jared in Chicago, Im sure he would have made it out fine.Jared jerked his shoulder toward me. What about?Ill keep an eye on her when I can. And Ill expect you to take Kyle with you. That oughta help.That wont be enough-Kyle foregone and you keeping an eye on her when you can. She it wont last long.Jeb shrugged. Ill do my best. Thats all I can do.Jared started to shake his head slowly back and forth.How long can you stay down here? Jeb asked him.I dont know, Jared whispered.There was a long silence. After a few minutes, Jeb began whistling tunelessly.Finally, Jared let out a huge breath that I hadnt realized hed been holding.Ill leave tonight. The words were slow, full of resignation but also relief. His voice changed slightly, got a little less defensive. It was as though he was making the transition back to who hed been here before I showed up. Letting one responsibility slide from his shoulders and putting another, more welcome one in its place.He was giving up on keeping me alive, letting nature-or rather mob justice-take its course. When he returned, and I was dead, he wouldnt hold anyone responsible. He would not mourn. All this I could hear in those three words.I knew the human exaggeration for sorrow-a broken heart. Melanie remembered speaking the phrase herself. But Id always thought of it as a hyperbole, a traditional description for something that had no real physiological link, like a green thumb. So I wasnt expecting the pain in my chest. The nausea, yes, the swelling in my throat, yes, and, yes, the tears burning in my eyes. But what was the ripping sensation just under my rib cage? It made no logical sense.And it wasnt just ripping, but twisting and pulling in diffe rent directions. Because Melanies heart broke, too, and it was a separate sensation, as if wed grown another organ to compensate for our equalize awarenesses. A double heart for a double mind. Twice the pain.Hes leaving, she sobbed. Well never see him again. She didnt question the fact that we were going to die.I wanted to squall with her, but someone had to keep her head. I bit my hand to hold the moan back.Thats probably best, Jeb said.Ill need to get some things organized already Jareds mind was far, far away from this claustrophobic corridor.Ill take over here, then. absorb a safe trip.Thanks. embark Ill see you when I see you, Jeb.Guess so.Jared handed the gun back to Jeb, stood up, and brushed absently at the frame on his clothes. Then he was off, hurrying down the hall with his old(prenominal) quick step, his mind on other things. Not one see in my direction, not one more thought for my fate.I listened to the fading sound of his footsteps until they were gone. Then, f orgetting Jebs existence, I pressed my face into my hands and sobbed.